Life Lessons

I am a compulsive liar

What exactly is a compulsive liar? Well, a compulsive liar is someone who lies out of habit. We don’t plan to lie, it just happens. And (for me) it’s not about important things. I lie about what I ate for dinner, which socks I wore yesterday and what I’m planning to do this weekend.

Compulsive liars often lie as a result of a demanding environment, to meet the expectations of everyday life, or to exaggerate them selves and their stories to seem more interesting. Personally, I’ve always been a liar… But lying became a habit for me during middle school. I was a victim of bullying and was never really allowed to participate in anything my classmates were doing. No one wanted to be around me. I was what you would call a nerd, so the only time they ever wanted to be around me was when they needed my knowledge. So naturally, I exaggerated my knowledge to make them want me among them more often. I started lying about everything, just to gain their approval.

When I started high school I was no longer having classes with these people, so of course I’d stop lying, right? Nope. Yes, I was lying a little less, but I kept on lying for almost 4 years. Only during the last two years have I been able to recognize my lying as compulsive, habitual and most of all, wrong.

Today, I am still struggling with not lying. I still lie, waaaaay too often. But now, every time I tell a lie… I go back on my word, explain that what I said wasn’t exactly true and tell the truth. This is one of the most uncomfortable things I ever have to do, but to me it is the only way to stop myself. In the beginning of my truth-telling process it could take me days to go back on my lying. Today it usually takes me a couple minutes. I hope that in the future, I will be able to stop the lie and tell the truth before it even exits my mouth.

To me, compulsive lying is an everyday struggle. It is uncomfortable, difficult to explain and something I wish I didn’t have to face. But can I stick my head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t exist forever? No, I can’t. And neither can you.
Compulsive lying is not common knowledge, but if just one more knew what it was all about, I wouldn’t have to explain myself to you every time I correct myself.

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Are there any other compulsive or habitual liars out there? If so, message me!

Love,
Emily x
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