Here. Right now. I am facing my fears. I am terrified of the chance that any of my friends, or anyone that knows me in the slightest might stumble over this little blog.
Six years ago, writing was one of my biggest passions. It was what I loved to do. I wanted to be an author when I grew up. I used to spend multiple hours every day, either writing or thinking of what I was going to write about. But that was all taken away in a split second.
I had decided to show a story, I was working really hard on, to my best friend at the time. She also had a love for writing, and she had written particularly one story that I really admired. So I figured I could show her what I had written, so that I was not completely alone in writing as a hobby…
Unfortunately, she had the completely opposite reaction of what I had hoped for. After reading my work she proceeded to go on a long rant about how my writing sucked, she pointed out unnecessarily many flaws and told me that I should never write again. So that’s what I did.
I stopped writing all together. I refused to hand in essays at school, because I felt that I should be ashamed of my writing. After all, that’s what she told me to be. I deleted, erased and burned all my writing. All the writing I had previously been so proud of. And I never wrote again.
Until now. Six years later. I am no longer that close with this girl. I no longer depend on her. I am confident in my self. She has moved far away and is living a life that I would by no means want.
I am sure she has forgotten all about it. I am not even sure she would remember if she read this. A long time has passed. We are completely different people than we were back than. Well, at least I am.
But still, six years later. Her words are looming over me like an angry finger pointing at me and telling me I am not good enough. Not enough. I still am dependent on having someone hand in my essays for me, because I can not bear to do it myself, the anxiety is to bad. Still, I have not opened a word document to write a fictional story just for joy. Still, I let her control me.
So now, I am taking that control back. Now I am facing my fear and trying to accept that maybe I am not perfect, but I am good enough.
This blog is me, trying to take back my love for writing. Trying to let myself share my opinions, views and thoughts with the world. Trying to not care about what people might think.
My biggest obstacle now, is letting the people who know me in real life read this. People from India are reading my blog every day, and I have no problem with it. But risking that someone who knew me six years ago.. No way.
I made a facebook page for this blog, the same day I started it. But it wasn’t until today that it was given a profile picture. Not even one with my face on it. But one that if you know me, you’ll be able to tell who it is.
This is the first blogpost I’ll share on that page. And I am absolutely terrified. Maybe someone I know will see it. But after receiving a few wise words from a fellow blogger, and getting my first like on that page. I have decided that it needs some content to go along with the profile picture.
So if you happen to know me in real life.. Don’t make the same mistake that the girl I once knew did. Because you never know what that might do to someone and how it might affect them.
And to all of you, positivity and constructive feedback is the way to go!
You are welcome to share this. In fact I would love it if you did!
Leave a comment if you have ever experienced something like this. I really hope I am not alone…